A few weeks ago I booked a session with my colleague and expert in equine collaborated coaching and her stallion Fin. Though I’m a life long horse girl, I’ve always been intimidated by stallions. Male horses whose “packages” have been snipped making them less…well, manly. Though I’m a lover of metaphor I just recently realized an important link to this fear and my personal power. A few days ago I walked into the pasture alone with Fin. See our video below.
I find there’s always a message in our pain and I believe fear is how pain shows itself. Over the years I’ve overcome lots of fears; spiders, swimming (because of sharks, even in lakes and pools), and the dark to name a few. Looking at each of these and what they symbolize helped me discover what I was really afraid of, old hurt within myself that stood in the way of my authentic, empowered self.
Our fears rarely make sense when looked at mindfully. Take my spiders for instance. I’m mean really, a spider is tiny yet I used to run from them as if they were axe murderers! I noticed spiders always showed up when I was daring to let intuition guide me or allowing my creative juices to flow. Things that were discouraged or judged in my formative years so I shut them down to prevent rejection. Enter my body image and food battles. Disconnecting from the body protects us in a way but it also contains us. Come to find spider totem represents the power to manifest and the divine feminine energy; Shakti as we call it in yogaland. As I healed and cultivated these qualities within, my fear of spiders faded. Same with sharks, water and the dark. These represent emotion, fierce nurturance, the depths of life. As I learned to embody all of my feelings which required exquisite self-care, those fears softened. When I’m not expressing myself, living with zest or resisting rest when I need it, these fears creep back in.
So what was the deal with stallions and why was I able to face that now? It’s because I’ve recently come more fully into my divine masculine energy; Shiva, the consort to Shakti. Due to daddy issues (no shame or blame here, no one gets perfect parents, it’s part of the human journey) I’ve struggled to trust men in general, but more so the masculine aspect of myself. Most of my life I was comfortable (but frustrated with) men who weren’t able to be 100% available. Within me, the wounds to my masculine side revealed themselves in not being able to show up fully for myself. I struggled with the will to pull things through to completion, especially things that would bring me BIG fun and fulfillment. While I’ve manifested many wonderful things in my life, it’s only now the BIG stuff has taken shape; a deeply present partner, the home of my dreams and the fullest expression of my work.
To feel at home in our bodies and to create the lives we desire, we must overcome fear. Contrary to popular belief, it’s more complex than “just doing it.” It takes self study, “svadhyaya” as we call it in yoga, that is patient and compassionate. Had I approached Fin ungrounded and unbalanced he would’ve sensed that and reflected it back to me through pinned ears and body tension. Because of my work with the divine masculine, I was able to be present with a powerful example of Shiva. In my e-Course we work on these primary energies to bring forth the True You. This is what the path of yoga helps us to do. It gives us the tools to heal our wounds so we can continue to evolve ourselves and our lives which serves all.
The process of consciously overcoming fear is illustrated in my book: Poems From The Path Of Peace Vol.1 available here.
Take some time to reflect on theses prompts.What things scare you? What might the things you fear be telling you about your relationship to yourself? Research the meaning behind the things your fear. Embody the emotions that arise as you connect to what you would rather avoid.
Here’s Fin’s owner Marsha Heiden and I sitting down to chat more about women’s empowerment.
And here’s a free one hour practice you can do with me to support you along the path. NamasteShare